How to Create and Maintain Communication With Grandchildren
Many well-intentioned grandparents have experienced a dead-end conversation with their grandchildren that begins with “how is school?” and ends with “good.”
Even for those who haven’t had this experience, engaging in conversation with your grandchildren can be daunting.
Is it even possible? Yes.
The following tips will teach you how to have deeper, more meaningful communication that transcends the generational gap.
Stop Making Conversation the Focus
The best way to start a conversation is to do an activity where conversation isn’t the focus.
When conversation feels forced, or when children feel they are at the center of attention when they don’t want to be, it makes them so uncomfortable they can’t think of anything to say — they aren’t just refusing to speak. The harder you try to get them to talk the more they withdraw.
Genuine conversation happens organically, so focus on creating the conditions that allow your grandchildren to naturally open up.
Play with Younger Grandchildren
For young children, play unlocks a conversational treasure-trove.
The activity doesn’t need to be elaborate or entail special planning: playing with building blocks or coloring is perfect because although the focus isn’t on conversation itself, the activity won’t prevent it.
Don’t worry if it’s been a long time since you’ve engaged in the type of play that your young grandchildren are interested in. Kids are remarkably non-judgmental and will just be happy to have your attention!
Learn What Interests Older Grandchildren
Older grandchildren feel the most loved when someone takes an interest in things that matter to them.
The key is to show interest even if your grandchildren’s tastes are . . . well, not yours. This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to like it. Focus on understanding why your grandchild likes this music, or movie or sport and less on how you feel about it. Your interest, then, is genuine because they are the subject of your interest, regardless of the topic.
If it’s hard to discern what they’re interested in, suggest taking a walk to get ice cream, cooking a meal together, or walking the dog. Any activity can work as long as there is opportunity for conversation to organically happen.
Invite Them to Your Home
It’s important for grandchildren to see your home because it fosters their understanding of you as a person. The more they connect with you, the easier and more comfortable communication will become.
Don’t let concern over whether or not your house is fun for kids prevent a visit. It’s understandable that you won’t have as many toys as their house does, or you might not have a video game system, and that’s ok.
The goal is to show them your world, so if you live in an adult community, take your younger
grandchildren on a nature walk or over to your friend’s house for milk and cookies. Chances are there’s
a library or ongoing activity in your community they would enjoy. Or maybe there are a few people
you’ve met with interesting stories from their lives that would interest older grandkids who aren’t into
Bingo.
If you live in a traditional neighborhood, check the paper for local activities. It’s hard to find a teen who will say no to free food, and in the process, they will see the people and places that matter to you.
If mobility is a hindrance, finding something they’re interested in doesn’t have to be expensive or require activity. It can be as simple as making your own playdough or teaching your older grandchild your favorite card game.
Talk About Yourself
Your grandchildren can’t connect with someone they don’t know.
Even if you’re spending time on something that interests them, don’t fade into the background. Look for opportunities in the conversation to share a part of yourself. Not only will they feel connected to you, which inspires conversation, revealing something about yourself naturally prompts them to do the same.
You can garner interest just by sharing hairstyle and outfit trends of the past. Talking about your school dances can spark an interest for teens, and younger children are fascinated by the idea that their grandparents weren’t always grandparents.
However, it’s important to remember there’s no faster way to be relegated to the they-just-don’t-get-it category than using these topics to criticize them. As much as possible, talk about what you liked as a child or how different life is now from when you were growing up only as a way to share who you are.
Meaningful communication with your grandchildren is possible and will prove to be rewarding for both sides. It really isn’t magic, but you will find using these tips works like a charm.
Even for those who haven’t had this experience, engaging in conversation with your grandchildren can be daunting.
Is it even possible? Yes.
The following tips will teach you how to have deeper, more meaningful communication that transcends the generational gap.
Stop Making Conversation the Focus
The best way to start a conversation is to do an activity where conversation isn’t the focus.
When conversation feels forced, or when children feel they are at the center of attention when they don’t want to be, it makes them so uncomfortable they can’t think of anything to say — they aren’t just refusing to speak. The harder you try to get them to talk the more they withdraw.
Genuine conversation happens organically, so focus on creating the conditions that allow your grandchildren to naturally open up.
Play with Younger Grandchildren
For young children, play unlocks a conversational treasure-trove.
The activity doesn’t need to be elaborate or entail special planning: playing with building blocks or coloring is perfect because although the focus isn’t on conversation itself, the activity won’t prevent it.
Don’t worry if it’s been a long time since you’ve engaged in the type of play that your young grandchildren are interested in. Kids are remarkably non-judgmental and will just be happy to have your attention!
Learn What Interests Older Grandchildren
Older grandchildren feel the most loved when someone takes an interest in things that matter to them.
The key is to show interest even if your grandchildren’s tastes are . . . well, not yours. This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to like it. Focus on understanding why your grandchild likes this music, or movie or sport and less on how you feel about it. Your interest, then, is genuine because they are the subject of your interest, regardless of the topic.
If it’s hard to discern what they’re interested in, suggest taking a walk to get ice cream, cooking a meal together, or walking the dog. Any activity can work as long as there is opportunity for conversation to organically happen.
Invite Them to Your Home
It’s important for grandchildren to see your home because it fosters their understanding of you as a person. The more they connect with you, the easier and more comfortable communication will become.
Don’t let concern over whether or not your house is fun for kids prevent a visit. It’s understandable that you won’t have as many toys as their house does, or you might not have a video game system, and that’s ok.
The goal is to show them your world, so if you live in an adult community, take your younger
grandchildren on a nature walk or over to your friend’s house for milk and cookies. Chances are there’s
a library or ongoing activity in your community they would enjoy. Or maybe there are a few people
you’ve met with interesting stories from their lives that would interest older grandkids who aren’t into
Bingo.
If you live in a traditional neighborhood, check the paper for local activities. It’s hard to find a teen who will say no to free food, and in the process, they will see the people and places that matter to you.
If mobility is a hindrance, finding something they’re interested in doesn’t have to be expensive or require activity. It can be as simple as making your own playdough or teaching your older grandchild your favorite card game.
Talk About Yourself
Your grandchildren can’t connect with someone they don’t know.
Even if you’re spending time on something that interests them, don’t fade into the background. Look for opportunities in the conversation to share a part of yourself. Not only will they feel connected to you, which inspires conversation, revealing something about yourself naturally prompts them to do the same.
You can garner interest just by sharing hairstyle and outfit trends of the past. Talking about your school dances can spark an interest for teens, and younger children are fascinated by the idea that their grandparents weren’t always grandparents.
However, it’s important to remember there’s no faster way to be relegated to the they-just-don’t-get-it category than using these topics to criticize them. As much as possible, talk about what you liked as a child or how different life is now from when you were growing up only as a way to share who you are.
Meaningful communication with your grandchildren is possible and will prove to be rewarding for both sides. It really isn’t magic, but you will find using these tips works like a charm.
